The 1412 Wrestling: an absurd AI Wrestling Promotion

1412 Wrestling Episode 55: Alf & Ariana Grande v Katy Perry & mystery partner; Vegeta v Carl Winslow v Beethoven - Sword Fight

1412 Wrestling Episode 55 PreviewAfter the cataclysmic chaos that defined Episode 54, the world of 1412 Wrestling barely had time to reassemble itself before Episode 55 was announced—and what a lineup it is. Last week saw a controversial and violent Tag Team Championship defense, the unraveling of Rachel Green’s loyalty to the Foot Clan, and the shocking emergence of Ross Geller as its new heart. Meanwhile, Vegeta recently shocked the universe by taking the Sword Fighting Championship from Katy Perry with plenty of supernatural help, and Alf continued using the Ancient Relic in absurd, reality-breaking ways. As factions collide, stakes rise, and magical forces creep into the ring, this week’s episode promises more smoke, more steel, and more existential screaming than ever before.
Let’s break it all down.
Sword Fighting Championship Match:Vegeta (c) vs Carl Winslow vs Ludwig van BeethovenVegeta may be royalty in the Saiyan sense, but now he’s got classical competition. Ludwig van Beethoven makes his 1412 debut, armed with a blade and a deafening scowl. Joining them is none other than Carl Winslow, returning from suspension and still steaming from the last time his authority was disrespected. Three men. Three swords. One championship. And a high probability of someone getting sliced during a crescendo.
Hitmonchan & Hitmonlee vs Bill & TedThe Pokémon duo are in the midst of their pursuit of the tag titles, but this week they face Bill & Ted, who bring not only the power of rock but a time-traveling entourage of historical chaos. From Station to Genghis Khan, expect interference, banana peels, and the possible invention of jazzercising karate.
Tag Team Championships:Michael Jackson & E.T. (c) vs Scottie Pippen & Michael JordanTwo icons from Earth and one from outer space defend gold against Chicago royalty. Michael Jackson and E.T. have been unorthodox but effective, with assistive reffing from Andy Warhol of all people. But Pippen and Jordan are back from a slam-dunk hiatus and want their titles back… even if it means moonwalking over alien bones.
Triple Threat:Cory Matthews vs Strong Bad vs Emeril LagasseIt’s one-third teenage heartthrob, one-third masked internet warlord, and one-third culinary menace. Cory’s been on a bizarre winning streak fueled by chaos and confusion. Strong Bad is convinced the system is rigged by email elites. Emeril wants to kick it up a notch—by hitting people with cookware. Expect explosions, nonsense, and a heavy helping of paprika.
Jason Marsden vs Jason VoorheesIt’s Jason vs Jason in a match that no one fully understands. Marsden, voice actor and now wrestling enigma, faces the machete-swinging Voorhees. There will be screaming. Most of it from the production crew.
Hardcore Champion Segment:The Angry Video Game Nerd reviews The X-Files for PS1The AVGN sits down with a CRT and an original PlayStation copy of The X-Files: The Game and promises “a review so brutally honest it’ll be classified by the government.” Will he destroy the disc? Will Mulder make a run-in? Will he even survive the menu screen? Who knows.
Special Challenge:L.A. Beast attempts to eat 175 powdered donuts in 20 minutesThere are no rules. No referees. Just L.A. Beast, a mountain of sugar, and a ticking clock. He’s done it before. Can he do it again… or will he flatline at donut #88?
Bebop & Rocksteady vs Happy Gilmore & Bob BarkerWhat began as a golf feud has turned into an interdimensional street brawl. Happy is still swinging his putter with attitude, and Bob Barker has never forgiven the Foot Clan for not spaying or neutering their monsters. This is personal. And potentially televised by The Price Is Right.
Fatal Four-Way:Yamcha vs Shredder vs Michael Myers vs Topanga LawrenceAn unstable mix of karate, evil, quiet stalking, and self-care affirmations. Topanga continues to amaze with her lethal blend of yoga and destruction. Shredder has vowed vengeance for his recent embarrassment. Yamcha wants a win. Myers just wants silence. No one is walking out unscathed.
Scott Hall vs Norm PetersonA battle of bars, beers, and bad intentions. Scott Hall, the Bad Guy, stumbles into a bout with Norm from Cheers, who only agreed to wrestle because he thought the ring was “happy hour.” We’re not sure how or why this match is happening—but we’re all watching.
Parking Lot Brawl:Danny Tanner vs DonkeylipsDanny Tanner, the original moral compass of the 1990s, returns to clean up the Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade with disinfectant, motivational speeches, and laminated handouts. But Donkeylips has Bars’ name on his fists and vengeance on his mind. Expect more than just blood—expect trauma.
Yutt Championship Match:Electabuzz (c) vs Sonic the HedgehogElectabuzz, electric and explosive, defends against Sonic, the speed demon of the Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade.
Main Event:Alf & Ariana Grande vs Katy Perry & a Mystery PartnerStipulations:– If Alf & Ariana win: Katy must vape instead of smoke, and Alf gets to eat one of her cats in a sandwich.– If Katy’s team wins: Ariana must switch from vapes to smoking a full pack of cigarettes a day.This is not a normal tag match. This is witchcraft, betrayal, addiction, feline-based cannibalism, and supernatural consequences. Alf and Ariana, a reluctant duo bound by relics and chaos, face the very smoking specter of darkness. Katy Perry, in full denial of her own magical identity, returns with a mystery partner. Who that partner is may change the course of 1412 forever. If you’ve followed the ancient relic storyline, this is the next volatile chapter. Bring a fire extinguisher.Tune in and say goodbye to normalcy.1412 Wrestling Episode 55 is here.  Check out Yutt TV at https://kick.com/yutttvCheck out 1412 and WZW Merchandise of all sorts at https://1412-wrestling.printify.me/

1412 Wrestling Episode 54: Bars v a Moose; Vegeta v Shredder Sword Fight; John Locke v Gary Busey

1412 Wrestling – Episode 54 Official Preview
Brace yourself. There’s no such thing as normal anymore.
Coming off a week where the presidency changed hands via a flaming wrestling ring and Eric Matthews inexplicably took control of the entire federation—with only an Egyptian Mummy to enforce his will—Episode 54 of 1412 Wrestling is shaping up to be an unmissable descent into bizarre, beautiful bedlam. With new championships being born, old grudges reignited, tag teams reuniting and combusting in real time, and a roster packed with the strangest assemblage of talent known to man, myth, or mayonnaise, this episode looks to rewrite the rules once again… or throw them into a volcano.
Let’s preview what’s on the card—assuming these matches don’t detonate before they begin.
The Debut of the Wizard of Fries vs. Bart Gunn
In one of the strangest signings in wrestling history, new President Eric Matthews has declared that 1412 will now include the enigmatic and reality-bending Wizard of Fries, a cryptic monarch from deep within the Burger King mythos. He makes his in-ring debut against Bart Gunn, the eternally tough and often unlucky representative of The Golf Cart, who will not be alone—he’ll be backed by a veritable army of maniacs, legends, beasts, scholars, drunkards, and possibly Ancient Sumerians. Expect chainsaws. Expect deep-fried wisdom. Expect your arteries to harden just watching.
Stable Championships: The Giant Tree Drinking Lean (c) vs. Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, Yummy Mummy, Frute Brute
What happens when a possibly sentient tree that’s hooked on lean defends gold against five mascots of sugar, childhood, and mild horror? You get something that is simultaneously horrifying, hilarious, and possibly illegal in several jurisdictions. Will the supernatural cereal gang finally add gold to their haunted pantry? Or will the Giant Tree splatter them like marshmallow milk?
John Locke vs. Gary Busey
This may look like a singles match, but it’s really an existential crisis disguised as combat. On one side: John Locke, philosophical warrior, visionary, and island whisperer. On the other: Gary Busey, unfiltered chaos engine, prophet of the moon, and the Golf Cart’s most unstable enforcer. There’s no way to predict how this ends—but there’s a 100% chance it gets weird.
Hardcore Championship: Angry Video Game Nerd (c) vs. L.A. Beast
A rematch that smells like old cartridge dust and powdered donuts. After their war last week, the Nerd defends the Hardcore Title against L.A. Beast, whose appetite for destruction—and gross food—may finally bring him redemption. But with the Hardcore Division a volatile hellscape, expect the match to mutate live on television. The belt may be on the line, but so are dignity, teeth, and any sense of sportsmanship.
Tag Team Championships: Michael Jackson & E.T. (c) vs. Aly & AJ
Two pop duos collide for the gold in what promises to be equal parts moonwalk, glow-finger, and bubblegum vengeance. Aly & AJ have proven themselves as more than pop princesses—they’re here to fight. But MJ & E.T. have the chemistry of interplanetary royalty, and more synchronized moves than most dance troupes. It’s not just a title match—it’s a culture clash from across the galaxies.
Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, X-Pac vs. Goldar, King Sphinx, Rito Revolto (w/ Rita Repulsa)
The Outsiders return with a vengeance, and they’re out for monster blood. But Rita Repulsa has summoned the forces of evil once again, and they’ve brought titanic bad energy to the ring. With both factions oozing arrogance, experience, and cosmic funk, this one could crack the Earth’s crust. Expect big boots, teleportation beams, and one-liners that leave you reeling.
Fatal Four-Way: Peter Venkman vs. 50 Cent vs. Happy Gilmore vs. Sunshine
What do a ghostbuster, a rapper, a hockey brawler, and a Japanese wrestling superhero have in common? They’re about to brawl for reasons no one fully understands. But there’s gold and glory in the air, and any one of these wild personalities could walk away with momentum—or multiple concussions.
Alf & Ariana Grande vs. Fred & Wilma Flintstone vs. Cory Matthews & Topanga Lawrence vs. Billy Gunn & Nikki Bella
A four-corner mixed tag spectacular that’s less about love and more about chaos. Alf and Ariana are a reluctant team trying to function despite magical tension and feline disagreements. Fred and Wilma have prehistoric grit. Cory and Topanga bring Boy Meets Brawls energy. Billy Gunn and Nikki Bella? Pure arrogance and abs. With combustible relationships and simmering rivalries, this might be the emotional volcano of the night.
Sword Fighting Championship: Vegeta (c) vs. Shredder
The Prince of Saiyans takes on the Master of Blades. Vegeta, as proud and powerful as ever, will clash swords and egos with Shredder, who is backed by shadowy allies and ruthless ambition. This won’t be a match—it’ll be a duel. And the loser may not leave the ring under their own power.
Joey Tribbiani & Chandler Bing vs. Beavis & Butt-Head (w/ Ross Geller, Bebop & Rocksteady)
Former best friends Joey & Chandler reunite after being thrown into lasagna a month ago by Ross, who now sides with Beavis & Butt-Head, themselves new initiates into the Foot Clan. This match is about revenge, redemption, and piping-hot humiliation. Will friendship triumph? Or will idiocy and betrayal reign supreme?
Main Event – 1412 Championship: Bars (c) vs. The Moose | Special Referee: Elvis Presley
Yes, the moose is back. No, we’re not sure why. But Bars, the cunning and chaotic Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade leader, must defend his most sacred prize against the hooved horror in what might be the most unpredictable main event in wrestling history. With Elvis Presley holding the contract for an Ambush Title Shot and serving as guest referee, the deck is stacked in every direction. There may be no escape, only destruction.
And More…
Expect unannounced appearances. Expect ancient grudges. Expect fire. Expect chainsaws. Expect pigeons. Expect tears, joy, betrayal, live music, black magic, smoking pop stars, and possibly even Jay and Silent Bob. The only thing not expected is logic.
1412 Wrestling Episode 54 – You can’t prepare for this. You can only survive it.
 

1412 Wrestling Episode 53 - Bars' revenge, a new 1412 President, Mileena v Norm

1412 Wrestling - Episode 53 Preview
 
The most unpredictable show in the galaxy returns with Episode 53, and after the absolute chaos of last week’s 1412 Championship fallout, zoo incidents, locker room fireballs, and presidential meltdowns… not even a Magic 8-Ball could predict what’s about to unfold.
 
We kick things off with a seismic shakeup at the top of the 1412 food chain. After declaring himself unfit to lead—and blaming his daughter Michelle’s matchmaking—President Danny Tanner has officially announced his resignation, setting the stage for tonight’s historic 1412 Presidency Elimination Match. Who will step up and seize the throne? Will it be a familiar face like Freddy Krueger, Kevin Nash, or Earthworm Jim? Could the conniving former GM Rita Repulsa cast her final spell? Or perhaps it’s time for Eric Matthews to reclaim the spotlight—or for Gary Busey (yes, that Gary Busey) to confuse us all into submission. And with Stone Cold Steve Austin as special guest referee, you can expect at least three stunners, two broken clipboards, and one presidential beer bath.
 
But before we crown a new Commander-in-Beef, gold is on the line all night.
 
The 1412 Championship hangs in the balance in a tag team bout where the fall determines the champion. Reigning kingpin Chris Pratt joins forces with the homicidally unpredictable New Jack, taking on Bars—the anti-egg anarchist—and the ever-unplaceable Akeem the African Dream. With tensions boiling since last week’s confrontation, the title picture is murkier than ever… and don’t forget, Akeem and New Jack’s personal issues may erupt into something far bloodier than strategy.
 
The Divas Championship gets a shakeup with a triple threat showcase: current champ Lola Bunny defends against vampire-slayer supreme Buffy Summers and debuting challenger Jesse of Team Rocket, who arrives flanked by James and Meowth in a puff of glitter and scripted rhyme. With Team Rocket’s track record of chaos, and Buffy’s refusal to take cartoon rabbits or anime villains lightly, this could be the most bizarre Divas match in company history—and that’s saying something.
 
Meanwhile, the Hardcore Championship brings us a nostalgia-fueled brawl as L.A. Beast defends against a newly rabid Angry Video Game Nerd. One has a stomach lined with 1990s discontinued snacks, the other has a closet full of broken consoles and real hate for Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Expect chewed-up cartridges, shattered Nintendos, and possibly a surprise run-in from a haunted Tiger Electronics handheld.
 
The Sword Fighting Championship will feature a grudge match that’s been brewing hotter than a dragon’s espresso: Vegeta vs Katy Perry. With Ariana Grande and Alf still lurking with the ancient relic, and Katy screaming about witches and betrayal, this match could shatter more than just swords. Is Katy focused enough to fight? Or will this end with another magical mishap?
 
And if you thought that was the ceiling… just wait.
 
Yutt Championship action begins with a Hockey Fight triple threat: The Goon, Happy Gilmore, and Electabuzz square off in a brutal brawl of fists, sticks, and slapshots. Happy’s mouth has already written several checks his fists may or may not be able to cash, and the electric-type Pokémon seems way too comfortable wearing skates.
 
Elsewhere on the card:
 
Norm Peterson returns to action to face off with the brutal and mysterious Mileena in a match nobody asked for but now everyone needs.
 
The infamous Refrigerator Break-In Match sees Aly & AJ battle Tia & Tamara Mowry in a race to bash their way into a locked cage using refrigerators and claim a golden microphone. If that sounds like a fever dream—it is.
 
The Foot Clan's Ross Geller teams with Bebop and Rocksteady, cornered by Beavis and Butt-Head, to battle the boy meets crew of Cory Matthews, Shawn Hunter, and Topanga Lawrence. Expect at least one academic ethics debate and several chairs thrown.
 
In a stacked Ambush Title Shot Ladder Match, eight wildly different lunatics will climb for a future title shot. With names like Jason Voorhees, Mike Tyson, Shredder, Elvis Presley, Duck Hunt Dog, Kimmy Gibbler, John Locke, and Nuclear Spawn, this one is going to be a symphony of steel, chaos, and existential confusion.
 
 
All that, plus remote reports from Chris Farley at the zoo (where Scott Steiner, rabid tigers, a sentient dumpster, and a dancing skeleton are now attractions); Helga Pataki broadcasting from the moon where Rita’s henchmen plan their next coup; and Matthew Lawrence chatting with Michael Jackson and E.T. at Neverland Ranch about interstellar politics and tag team wrestling.
 
And if that somehow wasn’t enough, rumors are swirling that the Ariana Grande/Katy Perry rivalry is far from over—especially after last week’s “disappearance” of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into outer space. With the Ancient Relic still in Alf’s furry possession, and a new president soon to be crowned… everything in 1412 Wrestling is at risk of erupting like a haunted Crock-Pot left on high.
 
Don’t miss 1412 Wrestling Episode 53.
Because if you blink… you’ll definitely miss something illegal, magical, or involving meatballs.
 
 

1412 Wrestling Episode 52: AVGN/Austin/Nash/Gaffler/Conner, Pratt vs Bars in a Cell

Preview: 1412 Wrestling – Episode 52
“Chaos in Every Corner, Destiny at Every Turn”
Episode 52 of 1412 Wrestling arrives like a runaway cement truck fueled by ancient relics, soda-fueled grudges, forbidden spellcraft, and unresolved plumbing invoices. As always, the arena has no idea what it's in for. With more combustible personalities than a police evidence locker full of Roman candles, this episode marks a critical turning point in the power structure of 1412. Alliances are strained, champions are hunted, and reality itself seems to bend under the pressure of Danny Tanner’s notoriously unstable booking patterns.
In the night’s main event, the most volatile match imaginable closes the show: a Five-Way Elimination bout for the coveted 1412 Championship, with The Angry Video Game Nerd defending his title against the most dangerous cross-section of chaos imaginable. Kevin Nash, money-drunk from his past abuse of the Ancient Relic, returns with Scott Hall and X-Pac by his side. Stone Cold Steve Austin, still fuming after last week’s betrayal and loss, is locked in on regaining the top prize. Bob Gaffler, backed by the Pavers, may have the lowest morals but the most unpredictable rage. And then there’s Dan Conner, haunted by chants of “You nailed Pete!” and ready to silence everyone with his fists. Five men. One title. Elimination rules. No guarantees anyone makes it out unscathed—or unpaved.
But before that powder keg explodes, the night opens with another grudge match soaked in drama and blood: Bars defends his Ambush Title Shot contract against Chris Pratt inside Hell in a Cell, with the Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade banned from ringside. The rivalry between Bars and Pratt has gone from absurd to personal, with Bars blaming Pratt for everything from cinematic mediocrity to the existence of chocolate ice cream. With the Ambush Shot hanging in the balance, and the Brigade forcibly neutralized, this one might get even uglier than a boiled egg at room temperature.
Things don’t get any calmer in the realm of broken glass and expired food. The Hardcore Championship is on the line in a four-way catastrophe as L.A. Beast—known for devouring dangerous things and throwing up on opponents—defends against Mewtwo, Jay (accompanied by Silent Bob), and the utterly unpredictable Paula Abdul. With Beast riding high off his last victory and Mewtwo harboring dark energy, Jay & Silent Bob providing chaos, and Abdul bringing style and speed, this match promises to resemble a demolition derby in a vending machine.
Speaking of bizarre collisions: Bobby Heenan returns to ringside with his newest enigma—the random old guy, replacing his former client, the dangerous Random Kid. But the opponent is no easy target: the proud Saiyan prince Vegeta makes his return to 1412, likely with zero tolerance for geriatrics or gimmicks. It’s the Heenan Family vs Saiyan honor, and someone’s getting humbled fast.
Meanwhile, trios warfare erupts as Gary Busey, The Minotaur, and The Iron Sheik represent the ever-unhinged Golf Cart faction against a nostalgic but fragile trio: Cory Matthews, Shawn Hunter, and Topanga Lawrence. With tensions high and the Sheik armed with a beer bottle and limitless hatred, will Cory finally tag in, or just let his friends get slaughtered?
From beer bottles to bandages, another wild contest looms as Mike Tyson returns—accompanied by his flock of 100 pigeons—for a four-way fight against Spopovich of the Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade, Jason Voorhees, and the mysterious Egyptian Mummy, with Eric Matthews at its side. This match is less about strategy and more about surviving long enough to remember your name.
Then it’s time to plant some roots in the title scene—literally. The Stable Championships are on the line as reigning champion The Giant Tree Drinking Lean defends its odd yet dominant title reign against the reunited Mean Street Posse (Rodney, Joey Abs, and Pete Gas). It’s nature vs nurture… assuming you count gas station brawls in Greenwich, CT as nurturing.
As branches snap, so do ropes—barbed ropes, to be exact. In a brutal eight-person tag match, the Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade (Sonic, Donkeylips, Jackie Chan, Bebe Rexha) face off with Tool Time's Tim Taylor and Al Borland, joined by Goofy and Donald Duck. With boiled egg slander in the air and the Tool Time crew defending their honor, expect pain, tangled fur, and emotional wounds that no power drill can fix.
The violence doesn’t stop there. In what might be the most crowded mid-card disaster ever, a ten-way fight is held under one condition: the loser has to steam clean the entire arena. Featuring the likes of Shredder, Tony Hawk, Strong Mad, The Goon, Red Ninja, Happy Gilmore, Tia Mowry, Aly, Bub the Zombie, and Jim Morrison, the only guarantee is that someone will be left holding a mop and hating every second of it.
But the magic returns when Ariana Grande, Android 18, Demi Lovato, and Soda Popinski collide in a chaotic fatal four-way. Ariana, toeing the line between fan favorite and forbidden sorceress, has demanded another shot at Alf and the Relic. But first, she’ll need to outlast one of the universe's toughest androids, a returning pop icon, and a soda-chugging menace.
Things only get weirder as Ross Gellar of the Foot Clan steps into the ring to face Leonardo of the TMNT. With tensions still high after Ross threw the Turtles' good friend Joey Tribbiani and former Foot Clan member Chandler Bing into piping hot lasagna, this could be revenge, extinction, or a paleontology lecture gone wrong.
In the Divas Championship bout, reigning champion Lola Bunny, backed by her Brigade allies, defends against Clarissa Darling, whose analytical mind and unpredictable offense make her a dark horse threat.
Meanwhile, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and John Locke square off in a battle of logic and festivity. Expect confusion. Expect violence. Expect a deer to fly—probably unwillingly.
For the Tag Team Titles, the Wet Bandits look to defend their gold against Michael Jackson & E.T., fresh off winning the absurdly long contender gauntlet. With the couch saga lingering in their minds and Earthworm Jim possibly lurking, Harry and Marv are as dangerous as ever.
Next up, the Yutt Championship—whatever it truly is—is up for grabs as Electabuzz defends against 50 Cent, Jim Rennie, and the lumbering Kurrgan. Whether this belt has prestige or not is unclear, but the violence will be very, very real.
And in what may be the night’s most elegantly absurd showdown, the Sword Fighting Championship sees modern pop mysticism clash with historical might as Katy Perry defends against none other than Abraham Lincoln. Katy continues to deny being a witch, despite being occused and even caught multiple times, while Lincoln, well… he’s wielding a sword and standing up for what's right.
Finally, the night begins with a special performance by Dasha, setting the tone with her hit “Not at This Party”. But make no mistake—everyone else is at this party… and nobody’s getting out clean. Episode 52 promises glory, betrayal, and possibly steam-cleaned blood. Bring a poncho.

1412 Wrestling Episode 51: Austin v AVGN v Pepsi Man, 40+ Team Gauntlet

Preview: 1412 Wrestling – Episode 51
“The Boil Simmered Over”
 
President Danny Tanner somehow managed to book the most baffling, overcrowded, and emotionally unstable episode of 1412 Wrestling to date. Tensions are high, factions are colliding, and ancient forces may or may not be at play as this unpredictable rollercoaster unfolds across dozens of segments. Here's a look at the matches announced for the night—with no spoilers:
 
Opening Chaos – Tag Team #1 Contenders Gauntlet Match
The night begins with an absolutely massive multi-team gauntlet featuring over 40 of the most bizarre and legendary pairings in 1412 history. From sitcom duos to cosmic warriors, from cereal mascots to time travelers, everyone’s got the same goal: earn a future shot at the Tag Team Titles. Surprises, brawls, and unlikely alliances are guaranteed.
 
Title Unification Match – Yokozuna vs Electabuzz
The Competitive Eating Champion squares off with the Laser Gun Surfing Battle Champion in a high-stakes unification bout. Only one will leave with both titles, and the other might not leave at all.
 
Trios Grudge Match – Tia & Tamara and Ross Geller vs Aly & AJ and Doug Wilson
What began as reality TV beef has mutated into full-scale psychological warfare. Ross Geller continues his descent into villainy, while Aly & AJ fight to keep it together alongside a gardening wildcard.
 
Ancient Relic Match – Alf (c) vs Ariana Grande
Alf puts the power of the ancient relic on the line against Ariana Grande in a match that could shake the very metaphysical foundations of 1412 Wrestling. No magic allowed—but that’s never stopped anyone before.
 
Grudge Match – New Jack vs Akeem the African Dream
Fueled by rage, betrayal, and deeply personal food-based insults, these two powerhouses collide in a brawl that’s anything but scientific.
 
Triple Threat Mayhem – Goldar vs 50 Cent vs Bill Nye
An unexplained match between a galactic warlord, a rap mogul, and a science educator. Nobody knows why this was booked, but it promises to be weird.
 
Sword Fighting Championship – Katy Perry (c) vs Terry Funk vs Skeeter Valentine vs Gary Busey
Four competitors. One glowing sword. Backed by the unhinged presence of the Golf Cart stable, this elimination match might be the most dangerous sword fight yet. Expect blood, ballads, and possibly Biffle.
 
Wildcard Singles Match – Cookie Monster vs Bobby Heenan’s New Surprise Client
The Monster craves cookies. But who’s the new client Heenan’s bringing to the ring? Rumors range from a retired legend to a literal garden gnome. You’ll have to tune in to find out.
 
Six-Way Elimination Match – Felix the Cat vs Cuts Man vs Matt Cardona vs Elvis Presley vs The Moose vs The Scalding Hot Cup of Coffee
A returning mix of forgotten faces, angry fauna, caffeinated horror, and Elvis himself. The only certainty: eliminations will be earned the hard way.
 
Tag Team Championships – The Wet Bandits (c) vs Scott Hall & Kevin Nash
The newly crowned tag champs put the belts on the line against a returning Outsiders duo, but their attention may still be fixated on their missing mystical couch. Could the relic be involved?
 
Spinach Artichoke Dip on a Pole Match – Bars (c) vs Daffy Duck
The Ambush Title Shot Contract is up for grabs—whoever eats the entire bowl of spinach artichoke dip wins. Yes, really. Expect green-fueled carnage, philosophical rants, and personal vendettas.
 
Main Event – 1412 Championship Triple Threat
Stone Cold Steve Austin (c) vs Angry Video Game Nerd vs Pepsi Man
Three icons. One title. A silent soda machine. A profane gamer. And the Rattlesnake. History will be made—if reality doesn’t fracture first.
 
—
 
Catch all the madness in Episode 51—where friendships die, the ring becomes a culinary battlefield, and one champion may not survive the fallout.
 
 
Tag Teams in the Gauntlet: 
Jay & Silent Bob
Bill & Ted
Pete & Pete
Jackie Chan & Spopovich (of the Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade, accompanied by Cliff O’Malley)
Michaelangelo & Raphael
Vince Russo & Rihanna
Mulder & Scully
Black Ranger & Blue Ranger
Cory Matthews & Shawn Hunter
The Headbangers
King Hippo & Soda Popinski
Hitmonchan & Hitmonlee
Scott Steiner's Rabid Tigers (accompanied by Scott Steiner)
Michael Jordan & Scottie Pippen
Disco Inferno & Alex Wright
Jesse Katsopolis & Joey Gladstone
DJ Tanner & Stephanie Tanner
Cow & Chicken
Ren & Stimpy
Kevin McAllister & Dick Tracy
Billy Gunn & Nikki Bella
Itchy & Scratchy
Purple Stuff Podcast (Matt from Dinosaur Dracula & Jay from Sludge Central)
Kurt Angle & Cocaine Bear
Mean Street Posse (Rodney & Pete Gas)
Al Bundy & Peg Bundy
Ray Stantz & Peter Venkman
Socrates & Billy the Kid
The Minotaur & "Rugged" Ronnie Garvin
Bob Gaffler & Sexy Hank
Dan Conner & Kurrgan
Joey "The Rat" Epstein & Frankie Stecchino
Mike Tyson & a pigeon
Buster Bunny & Babs Bunny
Michael Jackson & E.T.
Kylie Minogue & Dua Lipa
Bebop & Rocksteady
Carl Winslow & Steve Urkel
Phoebe Buffay & Monica Gellar
Toucan Sam & Tony the Tiger
Ace Ventura & Dan Marino
Beavis & Butt-Head

1412 Wrestling Episode 50: Scott Hall/Kevin Nash/X-Pac v Steve Austin/Mike Tyson/Freddy Krueger

1412 Wrestling — Episode 50 Preview
The milestone fiftieth episode of 1412 Wrestling is upon us, and after the absolute insanity of recent weeks, all bets are off. With Earthworm Jim bankrupted and booted from power, Alf now possesses the ancient relic and vows to fix the company.
What’s on tap for Episode 50?
Confirmed for Episode 50:
Ross Geller vs Shawn HunterAfter being thrown into piping hot lasagna by Ross, Joey and Chandler remain hospitalized. Shawn has taken offense to Ross’s nerdy ego trip, while Ross has declared war on his former friends.
Divas Championship 6-Way MatchAndroid 18 defends against Madonna, Nikki Bella, Kimmy Gibbler, Katharine Isabelle, and Lola Bunny (representing the Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade). Expect chaos, carnage, and possibly a werewolf.
Tag Team Championships: Aly & AJ vs The Wet BanditsHarry and Marv want their mystical couch back—and the gold. Aly & AJ are determined to keep both out of their greasy mitts. Will this match end clean or with another bizarre act of betrayal?
Hardcore Championship: Four-Way EliminationL.A. Beast defends against Disco Inferno, Artie the Strongest Man in the World, and The Minotaur. Expect snacks, flames, and ancient Sumerians with chainsaws.
Survivor Series Match: Jay & Silent Bob, Bill & Ted, Ariana Grande vs The Mighty Morphin Power RangersThis dream-team nonsense becomes reality with Danny Tanner as special referee. Can the pop culture misfits survive the morphin mayhem?
Stable Championship Match: Steiner’s Army vs The Giant Tree Drinking Lean (by himself)Yes, the Giant Tree is getting a title shot. Yes, he’s still drinking lean.
Competitive Eating Championship: Powdered Donut ChallengeCocaine Bear defends against Yokozuna, Donkeylips, Carl Winslow, Heffer Wolfe, and IP Relay Operator 3211. 5 minutes. One winner. Endless powder.
Sword Fighting Championship: Fox Mulder vs Katy PerryAfter last week’s chaos, Katy Perry challenges for the sword. Will her mysterious vibes and catchy pop tunes prevail over the skeptical Mulder?
Laser Gun Surfing Battle Championship: Bobby Budnick vs ElectabuzzGet your surfboards and laser guns ready. Mr. Feeny has had enough of this match type, but it's back anyway.
Deathmatch: Bars vs New Jack vs Elvis Presley vs MichaelangeloBars defends his Ambush Title Shot Contract in what may be the most dangerous contest of the night. Expect violence, controversy, and possibly another anti-boiled egg tirade.
Debate: Dan Conner vs Jim RennieModerated by Abraham Lincoln, with topics including drywall integrity, Limp Bizkit discourse, and inappropriate Paver allegations. What could go wrong?
Main Event: Six-Man TagKevin Nash, Scott Hall, and X-Pac vs Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mike Tyson, and Freddy Krueger, with Alf as the special guest referee and the ancient relic in his furry hands. The fate of 1412 Wrestling may rest in this match—and in whatever wishes Alf makes next.
Can Alf keep the relic out of enemy hands? Will Austin ever stop Stunnering authority figures? And will the Pavers finally admit what really happened between Dan and Pete?
Tune in to Episode 50 of 1412 Wrestling—a celebration of chaos, absurdity, and the most unpredictable wrestling on the planet.

1412 Wrestling Episode 49: The Nash Regime!?

1412 Wrestling Episode 49: The Nash Regime!?
After the absolute chaos that erupted in last week's main event, tensions are higher than ever in the world of 1412 Wrestling. Questions loom about the fate of the Ancient Relic, the leadership of the company, and the health and sanity of just about everyone on the roster. Will someone finally bring order to the madness? Will the fighting factions find resolution or only dig deeper into war?
Episode 49 promises monumental returns, shocking alliances, out-of-control stipulations, and the kind of unexpected left turns only 1412 Wrestling can deliver. Expect the unexplainable, brace for the unthinkable, and prepare for a night where anything—and absolutely everything—can happen.
And remember: no one is safe… not even the audience.

1412 Wrestling Episode 48: Austin/Savage v Bars/Sonic v Matthews/Mummy v Electabuzz/Magmar

1412 Wrestling - Episode 48 PreviewEverything's spiraling.
After one of the most chaotic runs of shows in company history, 1412 Wrestling Episode 48 promises to raise the insanity to new heights with a lineup that’s equal parts absurd and explosive.
In the main event, it’s a volatile Four-Way Tag Team Match featuring 1412 Champion “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, who must team with the unpredictable “Macho Man” Randy Savage, the very man who holds the Ambush Title Shot contract and could cash in on him at any time. Their uneasy alliance collides with the unorthodox team of Eric Matthews and the Egyptian Mummy, the relentless Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade's Bars and Sonic the Hedgehog, and the fiery elemental combo of Electabuzz and Magmar. With grudges, eggs, and combustible chemistry across the board, this bout could implode before it even begins.
Speaking of tension, L.A. Beast returns from injury to defend the Hardcore Championship against Mileena, whose methods are far from conventional. But Beast’s return may come with more than a match.
The trios division gets weird as Cory Matthews, Shawn Hunter, and Topanga Lawrence step into the ring against Ickis, Krumm, and Oblina in a battle of 90s high school angst vs. raw monster chaos. Can Shawn stay focused? Will Cory crumble under the pressure? Can Topanga out-think literal sewer creatures?
In a truly bizarre pairing, Muhammad Ali is forced to team with Elmer Fudd against Mike Tyson and TMNT's own Sergeant Bananas in a Wildcard Tag Team Match. With Tyson still accompanied by an estimated 100 pigeons and fresh off recent clashes with Ali, Austin, and even Soda Popinski, expect a powder keg.
The Golf Cart stable, still somehow holding the Stable Championships, defends against a mystery team. With their ragtag entourage of Gary Busey, Cliffy Central, Alex Trebek, and a literal Minotaur, can they make it to the bell intact?
In one of the most baffling rivalries yet, the random kid managed by Bobby Heenan faces off with a now-evil Santa Claus, accompanied by the twisted On Point Kings (Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and The Cheat). Everyone involved is a heel. Expect blood, betrayal, and desecration of holiday spirit.
Another Triple Threat features three men from wildly different worlds: Shredder, still trying to hold the crumbling Foot Clan together, faces former president Freddy Krueger, who lost his job when Earthworm Jim cashed in an Ambush Title Shot on the presidency (yes, that happened), and Abraham Lincoln, who has no business being this good at wrestling.
In the tag team division, Madonna and the Angry Video Game Nerd form an unlikely alliance to take on Phoebe Buffay & Pepsi Man, and Jesse Katsopolis & Joey Gladstone. The AVGN vs. Pepsi Man feud has only grown more heated since the betrayal at Tapefest, and if it spills over again, someone might end up buried in holiday specials and soda cans.
Tag Team Champions Michael Jordan & Scottie Pippen finally return to defend their titles against former champions Aly & AJ in a Tables Match. Jordan and Pippen are still nursing injuries from Kevin Nash’s ambush weeks ago, and with Nash constantly stirring the pot, their grip on the gold may be slipping.
Elsewhere, Mulder and Scully have launched a full investigation into President Earthworm Jim, whose recent executive decisions have raised serious concerns about fraud, sanity, and cosmic origin.
Also: the long-simmering Lanford Street Fight between Dan Conner and Paver boss Bob Gaffler finally goes down. The Pavers have long accused Dan of “nailing Pete,” a charge Dan denies.
Plus: a Triple Threat Tag Team Match where the crowd may be the real winner… or loser. The Wet Bandits, Roger Klotz & Harley Keiner, and Hulk Hogan (by himself) face off in a match where no one is likable and everyone has something to prove—or sell.
And of course, Ariana Grande returns, still clutching the wish-granting Ancient Relic that recently made Lady Gaga disappear, and sent Alf to hell . The crowd wants Alf. Ariana wants Gaga. What happens next is anyone’s guess.
Episode 48 is a vortex of combustible rivalries, dangerous relics, improbable victories, and presidential fraud.
Tune in. Bring a helmet. And maybe… hide the eggs.

1412 Wrestling Episode 47: Austin v Tribbiani v Bing v Lola

This week's episode of 1412 Wrestling promises to deliver unforgettable action, shocking confrontations, and a continuation of the chaos that has gripped the roster in recent weeks. As the fallout from last week’s brutal injuries lingers, the commentary team will kick off the show with a somber recap of the damage inflicted: Monica Gellar remains sidelined with a broken back, Raphael is recovering from a severe concussion, and the Tag Team Champions Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen, along with Hardcore Champion L.A. Beast, are out due to Kevin Nash's relentless attacks. Meanwhile, the enigmatic disappearance of Fearsome Flush looms ominously. With a battered roster and tempers flaring, the stakes have never been higher.
 
The evening’s action starts with a grudge match that’s as bizarre as it is heated: Roseanne takes on the random knife-wielding kid managed by Bobby Heenan. With Bobby suspended in a shark cage to ensure no interference, Roseanne has promised to discipline the kid in a way only she can, while the child has offered nothing but insults and chaos. Expect this one to be equal parts comedic and brutal.
 
Macho Man Randy Savage is set to defend his Ambush Title Shot against the cunning Clarissa Darling. Clarissa, known for her ability to strategize and adapt, is looking to pull off a major upset. Meanwhile, Savage has his sights set on the 1412 Championship, but distractions from unexpected quarters could derail his plans.
 
The heated rivalry between Dan Conner and Flashy Frank will explode in a Pavers' Rules Match. With the ring surrounded by construction tools, this brutal contest is sure to push both men to their limits. Flashy Frank has accused Dan of scandalous behavior, while Dan remains steadfast in denying the Pavers’ wild claims. Refereed by Paver Tom Wilkie, this one is guaranteed to leave a lasting impression.
 
In one of the night’s most chaotic bouts, Bars will clash with the Inventor of Boiled Eggs and Hardcore Holly in a triple threat match. The ringside chaos promises to be as wild as the action in the ring, with both competitors joined by their over-the-top entourages, from the Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade to the Golf Cart crew. Expect alliances to be tested and egos to collide in this unpredictable showdown.
 
Tag team supremacy is on the line in a massive multi-team match featuring The Wet Bandits, The Pavers, Pete & Pete, Michaelangelo and Donatello (with Leonardo), Tokka & Rahzar (with Shredder), and Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande. With Gaga and Grande still basking in the dark power of the relic they used to banish Alf to hell last week, their impact on the match could be enormous. However, with tensions boiling over between the teams, this promises to be a chaotic masterpiece.
 
The ever-dangerous New Jack will face off against Count Chocula in a clash of polar opposites. New Jack’s raw aggression and vulgarity contrast sharply with Count Chocula’s sugary charm, but don’t let the cereal mascot’s playful persona fool you—this one could turn violent fast.
 
In a 4-Way Brawl 4 All Elimination match, Mike Tyson, Muhammad Ali, Soda Popinski, and Bart Gunn will square off in a brutal contest where eliminations can only occur via knockout. Tyson will be accompanied by his infamous pigeons, while Gunn’s Golf Cart allies will surely look to tip the scales in his favor. With legends like Ali and wild cards like Popinski in the mix, this match could turn into an all-out war.
 
Finally, the main event will see Steve Austin defend his 1412 Championship in a fatal four-way against Lola Bunny, Joey Tribbiani, and Chandler Bing. With Shredder backing Chandler, Leonardo in Joey’s corner, and Lola’s massive Anti-Boiled Egg Brigade at ringside, Austin will have to dig deep to retain his title. Known for thriving in chaos, Austin will likely bring his signature intensity, but with so many variables in play, this match is truly anyone’s game.
 
From shocking twists to unrelenting action, this episode of 1412 Wrestling is set to deliver on every front. Don’t miss a second of the madness!
 
 

1412 Wrestling Episode 46: The Austin Era Begins!

Preview: A Night of Chaos and Championship Glory!
Fresh off the heels of Tapefest, the latest episode of 1412 Wrestling promises to be a jaw-dropping, laugh-out-loud, and adrenaline-fueled spectacle. As the show opens, fans will relive the seismic events from the Pay-Per-View, where Earthworm Jim shockingly ascended to the 1412 Presidency by cashing in his Ambush Title Shot on Freddy Krueger. Relive the unforgettable moments, including Leonardo claiming the Laser Gun Surfing Battle Championship, the random kid’s shocking leg stabbing of the Pavers, and Stone Cold Steve Austin becoming the new 1412 Champion, ushering in a new era.
The Austin Era kicks off in explosive fashion as Disturbed takes the stage for a live performance of Glass Shatters to honor the Texas Rattlesnake. And as Austin himself takes the mic, you can bet he’ll have plenty to say about his championship reign and his message for the locker room.
Championships on the Line!The action heats up as Android 18 defends her Divas Championship against the fearless Lara Croft, while Fox Mulder puts his Sword Fighting Championship on the line against none other than Genghis Khan. Can these champions hold their ground, or will new challengers rise to seize the gold?
Unpredictable Matchups!In a truly bizarre spectacle, Mariah Carey and Santa Claus team up to take on Mike Tyson's army of 100 pigeons and Scott Steiner's ferocious rabid tigers. And in a chaotic three-way clash, Bob Gaffler of the Pavers collides with John Locke and NBA legend Larry Bird. Expect tempers to flare and alliances to shatter!
Tag Team Turmoil!Joey Tribbiani and Donatello face the dastardly duo of Chandler Bing and Baxter Stockman in a tag team clash that threatens to escalate into an all-out war between the TMNT and the Foot Clan. With Shredder and his cronies lurking at ringside, the odds seem stacked against Joey and Donatello.
Grudges and Betrayals!Freddy Krueger, stripped of his presidency, steps into the ring against Greg Biffle, who is backed by an entourage of chaos-loving misfits. Meanwhile, Alf has a bone to pick with Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande after their theft of his ancient relic at Tapefest. Dan Conner will address the Pavers and the "Pete" rumors.
Comedy, Carnage, and Consoles!Strong Bad answers a fan’s email in his trademark sarcastic style, while the Angry Video Game Nerd battles Pepsiman in a wild "Console War" brawl. And don’t miss the 1412 Hardcore Championship bout, where L.A. Beast defends his title against the terrifying Fearsome Flush from the Real Ghostbusters universe.
Presidential Power Plays!New 1412 President Earthworm Jim promises to shake up the landscape of the promotion. With surprises in store, who will benefit—and who will suffer—under his bizarre leadership?
With an action-packed card, unexpected alliances, and more chaos than ever before, this episode of 1412 Wrestling is one you cannot miss. Buckle up, because anything can—and will—happen!